So How Can Men and Women Handle These Differences?

Men and women are from different planets, or so we’re told. Anytime the discussion turns to gender differences, no matter what the topic, it’s easy to fall into old stereotypes and old assumptions about men and women. The truth is that when it comes to body language there are indeed differences between the genders. This does not mean one gender is inherently “better” or “worse” than the other is; it just means they have different tendencies and characteristics.

What Are The Differences Between Men and Women?
Body language differences between men and woman show up in two primary ways. There are differences in behaviours as well as differences in the purpose behind their behaviours. Some of these differences are thanks to nature; that is, they are “pre-programmed” into each gender. Others, however, are learned through experience and can differ greatly from one culture to another.


For instance, women are generally more likely to display nurturing behaviours, show emotions, and let their feelings come through. Men, on the other hand, are generally more likely to display behaviours of power, dominance, and assertiveness. In the modern world, however, these general tendencies are subject to far more variability than ever before. This is due to increased acceptance and comfort with each gender displaying non-typical body language in many different situations.


Despite this increase in freedom to display non-typical body language, there are still some general differences between men and women. The two most common are:
Differences in receiving messages – Women tend to be better at receiving body language messages, especially when it comes to noticing inconsistencies between body language and verbal language.
Differences in sending messages – Men tend to be less skilled at using subtle body language to influence communication without seeming to be doing so at all.
There are actual physical reasons for these differences. For example, women process messages using up to 16 different parts of their brain at once, while men process messages using about six or 7 different parts of their brain at once. Neither is better than the other is, but each processing pattern does influence the receiving and sending of messages based on gender.


So How Can Men and Women Handle These Differences?
As with most things divided up along gender lines, the body language differences between men and women are best used as general guidelines. They are a starting point, if you will, for engaging in interactions and going through the process of establishing rapport, building trust, and the like. They are only a starting point, however, because interpreting and understanding body language requires a great deal of observation and simply getting to know the characteristics of the other person.

Greater awareness and understanding of differences can also help a great deal in preventing different interpretations of body language or, when those different interpretations occur, in resolving potential conflicts and misunderstandings. The key is to be respectful of differences and not belittle or judge either gender based on body language issues. When both men and women make a point of sharing each other’s perspectives and learning from those differences, both genders learn to better interpret and understand the non-verbal communication of the other.

Reproduced courtesy of www.BodyLanguageExpert.co.uk - how to read and use body language

How to Communicate With Body Language

Steps

1. Be natural. It's easy to find big lists of what certain gestures mean, and entire dictionaries have been written that attempt to decipher the meaning of every posture, blink of the eye, or muscle twitch. The meanings of signals differ from one person to the next, however, and there are vast cultural differences, as well. What's more, it is not possible to control all your muscles so that each gesture and facial expression delivers the meaning you want it to deliver. Even if you were to succeed in controlling your body language "by the book," you would look fake.
2. , goodbye, or stop?]]Identify your own body language patterns. People spend a lot of time looking at your body language. What are they seeing? Make a conscious effort to think about what your body is doing in different interactions with different people. A mirror can be useful to examine facial expressions and posture, but mainly you just want to pay attention to what your body does when you're angry, nervous, happy, etc.
   • Determine whether your body language is in sync with your message. Your body language is effective if it communicates the message you want it to communicate. Does your posture communicate confidence, or does it make you seem unsure of yourself even as your words express confidence? If your non-verbal signals match your words, you'll not only communicate more clearly, you'll also be perceived as being more charismatic.
   • Look at the big picture. Don't stay awake at night wondering if your right index finger is effectively communicating your approval of something. Different parts of your body work together to communicate meaning in "message clusters," and generally the more strongly you feel about what you're talking about the more parts of the body are actively communicating. You don't have to have every little nuance "correct" as long as the overall effect of the cluster is in sync with your message.
3. Correct the big problems. If you take away one thing from this article, it should be that body language should be natural, and you don't need to obsess over it. That said, there are certain situations that may merit "relearning" certain aspects of your body language.
   • ]]If you give persistent, very obvious counterproductive signals, it may be worth your time to fix them. For example, if you're constantly hunched over or touching your face, you'll never look confident, approachable, or at ease. Improving your posture and working to eliminate nervous tics can be difficult and will take time, but if you focus your efforts only on the big things, you'll quickly improve your overall non-verbal communication.
   • If you have recently entered a new culture, you may need to adjust your body language. Cultural norms regarding body language (i.e. how far away you should stand from someone, how much eye contact you should make, and what gestures are considered taboo), vary considerably, and if you don't speak the same body language as the locals, you're liable to be misunderstood a great deal, sometimes with very serious implications.
   • Concentrate on difficult situations. Most of our day-to-day interactions are with people we know fairly well. As people get to know you better, they become better at reading your body language, which means (for better or for worse) that they're less likely to misinterpret your non-verbal cues. With this in mind, then, it's most important to make sure your body language is clear in interactions with people you don't know very well. These situations (first dates or job interviews, for example) may merit some special attention. Get in front of a mirror and practice these interactions. Speak aloud as you normally would, and carefully watch what your body is doing. Even better, videotape yourself for several minutes and then watch the video to identify how you might present yourself better.
4. Have more than one gesture to "get the message across." If you want to make sure you're not misunderstood, repeat both gestures when you speak the idea aloud. If the listener doesn't pick up on one gesture, he or she will likely be familiar with the other. You don't have to use a body language gesture (or two) for every word, but it's a good idea to have a toolbox of gestures you can use to reinforce very important, but easily misinterpreted, concepts.
5. Direct the most positive gestures toward the listener. This way you more clearly indicate that you are offering a favorable outcome to the listener as though it were a gift to them. Direct the most negative gestures away from yourself and the listener. This way you clearly indicate that you wish that no obstacle stands in the way of your intended message.
6. Say what you mean. For most people, appropriate body language--that is, body language that effectively reinforces the speaker's meaning--comes naturally when they mean what they say. The problem, of course, is that we don't always say what we mean. If you're trying to lie convincingly, for example, you'll probably have to alter your body language to prevent it from arousing suspicion. Even when we're not trying to deceive we may not really be saying what we feel. If your boyfriend or girlfriend asks if you love him or her, you may think you do but also think you don't; the mixed feelings may come out in a mixed message, in which your words say "yes," but your body language portrays your doubt. While much is said about changing your body language to communicate what you want to say, it's often easier to just say what you feel.
7. Use your body language to help you understand how you feel. If you're not quite sure how you feel about something or someone, pay attention to what your body is saying. Just as other people can read your body language to help uncover what you're feeling, you can learn from your body, and, for the most part, you should be able to read your body language better than anyone else can--all you have to do is pay attention. Using body language effectively means not only communicating with others, but also learning more about yourself.
8. Treat the cause, not the symptoms. Body language is very useful as a self-improvement tool, because it can clue us into our own feelings: our strengths, our fears, our hopes, our instincts. There's a multi-million dollar industry filled with people who will tell you how to position your torso and move your eyes in order to look more confident around members of the opposite sex or to seem more competent at work, but the usefulness of such instruction is limited. Even with dedicated practice, body language is hard to convincingly fake. Even if you manage to use your non-verbal cues to communicate feelings you don't really feel, you may, in the end, discover that you are only fooling yourself. It's better to gain control of the emotions at the root of your body language.

Tips

• One way to work on developing your own system is to study sign-language, and then use similar symbols when actually speaking once in a while.
• It is sometimes useful to observe the body language that is appropriate for a given setting or among certain people, and then match your gestures to those of people around you. This sort of imitation may be considered uncharismatic, but if you're not familiar with the culture or with the people with whom you are speaking, it may be the only way to get your message across or to avoid an embarrassing gaffe.
• Use the most positive (or, if warranted, negative) gestures and facial expressions first and last. While it is true that we make our most memorable impressions within the first 5 to 10 seconds, we also make a crucial impression within the last 5 to 10 seconds as well.
• Once in a while use the opposite gesture of your intended meaning. This is not meant to confuse the listener, but rather to see how well they pay attention to your gestures. If they notice it, consciously or not, they may say something like "Wait a minute, let me make sure I am understanding you."
• Tone of voice and inflection, although audible, are great indicators of meaning. However the actual tones used between people may not be accurately interpreted by the listener. Be careful to not misinterpret another person's tone of voice.
• If you know you are using a sign that may easily be misinterpreted, state so as quickly as possible and state your intended meaning, right away. For example, if you cross your arms for warmth, you may want to say, "I'm cold, are you?" That way the person won't think that you're just being unreceptive.
• Be honest and non-judgemental. Speech and gestures are co-expressive - if you say what you mean, your body language will follow.
• Do not try to read too much into a stranger's body language. It makes them uncomfortable and may give the semblance of you judging them.

Warnings

• Not everyone uses the same gestures to convey the same meaning. For example in the US feet spread apart typically conveys the message "I am calm, but standing my ground." In Japan to convey this meaning the feet would typically be together, with the hands directly at the sides.
• People's usage of body language can and usually does change over time.
• Understand that people are liable to misinterpret your body language. Always try to be clear, and try to reinforce your meaning.
• Do not assume that you have correctly identified the meaning of another person's body language without verification. For example, many people believe that if a person's arms are crossed it means that they are distancing themselves. Perhaps they are simply cold!
• Faking a gesture or facial feature to convey a meaning is the same as lying, and it can be interpreted this way. When people say that someone seems phony, they're usually referring to mannerisms that seem faked.

Related wikiHows

• How to Read Body Language
• How to Improve Your Posture
• How to Look Approachable
• How to Mime
• How to Smile
• How to Be a Good Listener
• How to Show Empathy

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Communicate With Body Language. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

The first secret about body language is that much of it is about getting sex 

-- or defending against it. In the ancient past, the most important biological purpose in

life was to find a mate to help pass on the parent's genes in offspring. Most humans and

animals have a powerful drive to find a mate for sex because it feels super-fantastic!

Unconscious body language often reveals a person hunting for a mate and sex. Background

Discover More . . .

Here is one example of a man's posture emphasizing his sexuality. When casually standing

like this, he will usually directly face the woman who appeals to him. Notice that the

fingers all point to "you-know-what-is-important" to this guy: Sex! Of course, guys claim

that this is just a comfortable way to stand.
Yah, sure it is -- NOT!

Here at the right is one way women call attention to their sexuality with their body

language. It is quite obvious that this woman is unconsciously advertising to the world

that she is a healthy woman. This woman's body language could not be more clear and simple!

She is unconsciously saying, "My womb is empty and available." This is very deep, old brain

limbic system-driven body language programmed by the DNA from our ancient ancestors. This

ancient part of the brain functions in very basic ways, driving us to find a mate. This

drive is handled differently in men and women. Background Discover More . . .

Nearly every sperm-producing animal and human male must expend much time and effort in

convincing the female to accept him and his sperm. This has forced most males, both animals

and humans, to initiate a process called "courtship". Animal and human courtship is done in

many different ways. Some male birds, whales and gibbons "sing". Some birds dance or build

special nests to attract a female. Human males have been very innovative in countless ways

to attract a mate through courting.

Human courtship usually starts as flirting and dating. This courting ritual normally

involves joint activities to close the physical and emotional distance, so two people can

become one loving couple. How this courting is done varies widely throughout cultures and

in individuals. Background Learn More . . .

Why Men and Women Are Different (Surprise!)
Women generally have a drive to get the same good physical sexual feelings that men want.

However, before birth control methods, women had to prepare more than men for sex because

of the huge job of possible pregnancy and raising the offspring. Therefore historically

women have handled getting sex differently than men.

Throughout history, women with the most success in raising healthy and intelligent

offspring selected a good mate who helped in all aspects of family building over the long

term. In the long run, this careful selection process has been good for the species. A

woman's wise choice of a mate who sticks around and helps raise the babies gives the best

chance to produce healthy offspring that survive.

On the other hand, single men generally have little investment and risk in spontaneous sex.

They can come and go without further commitments. This is very different from the woman's

standpoint! Men are driven by millions of years of their ancestors' genes compelling them

to breed frequently and with numerous women in order to have the best chance for offspring

bearing their genes. Here lies the big difference between men and women.
Secret #2:
Women have a strong drive for seeking a QUALITY RELATIONSHIP with one man who will stick

around and take care of her and the kids after sex. This comes from ancient female

ancestors' most successful strategy for producing offspring.

Men want QUANTITY: lots of sex and with lots of women! Men's ancient ancestors developed

endurance and went for high amounts of sex as their most successful strategy for producing

offspring.

In spite of all the social, cultural, and religious obstacles for humans to get sex in only

an approved way today, couples are somehow joining and making babies. Fortunately, powerful

hormones evolved in humans to drive them through the difficult obstacles in order to come

together as a loving couple and produce offspring -- often even in unapproved ways. That

natural drive is what keeps the human species thriving on this planet.

Larry Rodrigues - http://www.learnbodylanguage.org

Learn more with my 10 video training seminar - instant download http://bodylanguagecourses.com

How to Read Body Language

Steps

1. Gauge how close someone is to you. The closer they are, the warmer their opinions are of you. The farther away that someone is, the less they care. It is worth noting that personal space is culturally fluid; keep in mind that what is considered close in one country is far away in another.
2. Watch their head position.
   • Overly tilted heads are either a potential sign of sympathy, or if a man smiles while tilting his head, he is flirting. Alternatively, the person is trying to convince you of their honesty.
   • Lowered heads indicate a reason to hide something. Take note if someone lowers their head. If it is when he is complimented, he may be shy, ashamed, timid, keeping distance from the other person, in disbelief, or thinking to himself. If it is after an explanation, then he may be unsure if what he said was correct.
     • It should be noted that some cultures see this as a sign of respect.
   • Cocked heads mean that they are confused or challenging you, depending on eye, eyebrow, and mouth gestures.
3. Look into their eyes.
   • Liars will consecutively look at you and look away a number of times. You can actually learn specifically how to observe behavior to judge whether someone is lying. However, some liars will make more eye contact than usual in an attempt to make you believe they are telling you the truth.
   • People who look away while supposedly listening to you are thinking about something else. This is why when you are talking to a group of people, if an item in conversation strikes the one looking away, they will ask for you to repeat the story. You can usually tell if a person is remembering something or making something up based on their eye's movements. When someone is remembering details, their eyes move to the right (your right). When someone is making something up, their eyes move to the left. It's usually reversed for lefties.
   • Some cultures believe that looking at someone in the eyes is a sign of disrespect.
   • Auditory learners may look from side-to-side and repeat phrases in an effort to retain information.
   • Dilated pupils mean that the person is interested. Keep in mind, however, that many drugs cause pupils to dilate, including alcohol, cocaine, amphetamines, MDMA, LSD and others. Don't mistake having a few drinks for attraction. Also, some people have permanently dilated pupils (a condition known as mydriasis).
   • Looking to the side means that the person feels guilty.
   • When you ask somebody where they were, look very carefully at the way they look. If they look to the right( for right handers) they are recalling an event or a memory, meaning that they are telling the truth. However, if they look to the left they are making something up (this is why people look to the left when they are daydreaming, but to the right when they are remembering). It is exactly the opposite if someone is left handed. Sometimes a person might look up and move their lips to the side. That means they are thinking. Especially if you are interrogating, look out for people doing this when they try to give an alibi.
4. See if they're mirroring you. Mirroring is another common gesture. If someone mirrors, or mimics your appearance, this is a very genuine sign that they are interested in you.
5. Check their arms.
   • People with crossed arms are closing themselves to social influence. The worst thing that you can do to people with crossed arms is to challenge them in one way or another, no matter how they react. This annoys them. Though some people just cross their arms as a habit, it may indicate that the person is (slightly) reserved, uncomfortable with their weight (therefore trying to hide it), or just trying to hide something on their shirt.
   • If someone rests their arms behind their neck, they are open to what is being discussed and interested in listening more. They may be waiting to state their opinion on the matter.
   • Look at the location of their hands. If their hands are in their pockets, then they are more relaxed and are more likely to be attracted to you.
6. Be aware of nervous gestures:
   • If someone brushes their hair back with their fingers, this may be preening, a common gesture if the person likes you, or their thoughts about something conflict with yours. They might not voice this. If you see raised eyebrows during this time, you can be pretty sure that they disagree with you.
   • If the person wears glasses, and is constantly pushing them up onto their nose again, with a slight frown, that may also indicate they disagree with what you are saying. Look to make sure they push up their glasses with an intent, not casually adjusting them. Look for pushing on the rim with two fingers, or an extra motion of wiggling the side of their glasses. The frown or raised eyebrows should tip you off.
   • If they are playing or fiddling with their hair (a girl may twirl a lock of her tresses around a finger), they are feeling self-conscious, flirting, or possibly uncomfortable.
   • If someone is biting their lip, they are anticipating something or holding back. Or it could just be out of habit.
   • Lowered eyebrows and squinted eyes illustrate an attempt at understanding what is being said or going on. It's usually skeptical. (Or maybe they have a problem seeing things e.g. short-sightedness, astigmatism...)
7. Watch their feet:
   • A fast tapping, shifting of weight, or movement of the foot will most often mean that the person is impatient, excited, nervous, scared, or intimidated.
   • Slowly shifting weight usually means that someone is distracted, uncomfortable, or bored.

Tips

• If people mimic you or your tone and pace of talking they usually like you, and are comfortable with you.
• It's easy to spot a confident person; they will make prolonged eye contact and have a strong posture. Long eye contact can also be found in lover's eye's. Those not in love will be at an equilibrium of social stature. A bond of equals.
• If people laugh excessively, it may be dishonest, or they just might be very naturally jovial, or happy. Use your best judgment. Some people laugh out of nervousness. The person may be trying to give you any excuse to look up if you are looking down then when you do look up smile.
• Don't isolate yourself by constantly examining body language when interacting with people. Otherwise, there is no reason to gain a social upper hand anyway. This is paralysis by analysis.
• Watch the face, it will usually give off a quick involuntary and sometimes subconscious twitch when something happens that irritates, excites, or amuses them.
• Try not to judge the person, everyone shows multiple sides of themselves to different people. a person who has not decided to open up to you will act differently than someone who has (a close friend).

Warnings

• To be fully competent in such an art/science takes years of analytical study. There are always exceptions to the rule.
• Understanding the equilibrium between attentiveness to body language and verbal language is very important to being a successful communicator.

Related wikiHows

• How to Communicate with Body Language
• How to Be a Good Listener
• How to Detect Lies
• How to Understand Body Language
• How to Start a Conversation With Someone on the Train, Bus or Subway
• http://bodylanguagecourses.com

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Read Body Language. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

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“Character is doing the right thing when nobody’s looking.  There are too many people who think that the only thing that’s right is to get by, and the only thing that’s wrong is to get caught.”
J.C. Watts

“Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.”
George Bernard Shaw

“Goodness is the only investment that never fails.”
Henry David Thoreau

One of the most powerful things you can do for yourself and your world is doing what you feel deep down is the right thing.

What is the right thing? Well, that is up to you. Often you have a little voice in your head that tells what the right thing is. Or a gut feeling.

Here are a few suggestions though:

• Being kind instead of being judgmental/ trying to put someone down to feel better about yourself.
• Eating a healthy meal and then going to the gym instead of lying on the couch eating chips and watching TV.
• Doing the dishes and other chores instead of slacking off.
• Putting a stop to feeling like a victim with everything against you and instead looking at the opportunities and taking action.

It isn’t always easy. So I use these win/win-reasons to motivate myself to do the right thing. If you know why you are doing something and how it benefits you and the people around you then it becomes easier to do. And over time you can become more and more consistent with it.

1. You raise your self esteem.

When you don’t do the right thing you are not only sending out signals out into your world. You are also sending signals to yourself. When you don’t do the right thing you don’t feel good about yourself. You may experience emptiness or get stuck in negative thought loops. It’s like you are letting yourself down. You are telling yourself that you can’t handle doing the right thing. To not do the right thing is a bit like punching yourself in the stomach.

But the more you do the right thing on a consistent basis the more you tend to like yourself. Your esteem of yourself goes up.

This is also a cure to the often common habit of being a validation/approval junkie. That’s when you do things to get people to like you, compliment you etc. You want to feel good about yourself so you try to get other people to give you those feelings.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with getting positive feelings from other people as an extra bonus. But if you have no inner spring of positive feelings about yourself at all then life becomes a rollercoaster of positive and negative emotions. Everyone around you control how you feel and may also wield a big influence over how you think.

By doing the right thing you create that inner spring of validation and positive emotions. You become steadier, calmer and more centred.

2. It feels really good.

One of the simplest ways to create positive feelings within and maintaining them in a steady way is to do the right thing throughout your day. This of course starts a positive upward spiral of positivity not only within you but around you as positive feelings are highly contagious.

3. You get great results.

By doing what you feel is the right thing you focus on creating a better outside and inside while at the same time you cut out less relevant stuff from your inner and outer life.

So you become more focused on doing that is most important to you.

And as with anything you tend to get what you give. When you give value to people, when you help them then they will often want to help you and give you value in some form. Not everyone will do it but many will. Not always right away but somewhere down the line. Things tend to even out.

But most people wait for the other person to do something positive first. Don’t get stuck in that wait that just causes frustration. Be proactive, create a habit of taking the first step, put in the extra effort and you tend to get good stuff back. Don’t do it and you tend to get less good stuff back from the world.

4. Deservedness.

I believe this may be one benefit of doing the right thing that people often forget about. Because is it just enough to get motivated and take action to get what you want?

Maybe. But if you deep down don’t really think you deserve what you go after then you will tend to sabotage for yourself. Perhaps in subtle ways. You may get a gut feeling that this success is wrong and so you start doing stuff that screws things up.

So how do you make yourself feel like you deserve something? Well, you may do affirmations or some other exercise to make yourself feel better about yourself. But I think that what is most potent for your mind is actual proof. When you do the right thing over and over you tell your mind that you are indeed a good person.

And slowly it starts to accept that this is indeed the new truth about you.

The feelings of deservedness are also essential to maintaining a new self image.

When you try to make a big change in your life and make it stick then in some way your self image needs to be changed. You need to start seeing yourself as a healthy and fit person for example instead of couch potato or you will easily slip back into your old habits once again.

Doing the right thing not only in the health area of your life but also for example your work and relationships provides your mind with a ton of proof that you are someone who deserves what s/he want.

Just from my own experience I have found that if I have a day when I do nothing right then it is very easy slip back into old thought patterns. But by doing the right thing in many areas I tend to rarely slip back into old and more negative behavior and thoughts. I become steadier in my new, more positive self image.

Brought to you courtesy of the http://www.positivityblog.com